Loved Me Back To Life
by edwardsouthernbella
Summary: Bella and Edward Cullen are happily expecting their first child when she has a nervous breakdown. The emotional weight of her life has forced her to retreat into darkness. While Bella faces her struggle, Edward never leaves her side.


**This is the one shot I donated to the Fandom against Domestic Violence. Much of this story is based on my personal experiences. There are incidents of physical abuse, emotional abuse, and threat of rape. Lisa Duskis volunteered to beta this for me, and I thank her deeply. **

Present Day

I was waiting to clock in for work at nine thirty in the back office near menswear. The morning had already taken its' toll on me. I'd thrown up three times already…just one of the many joys of pregnancy I'd endured over the past month. Don't get me wrong. I wanted a baby, so very much, and Edward was thrilled, too. I just didn't want the side effects. Waves of nausea hit me all the time, and since I was selling Lancome, I was constantly around heavy fragrance.

"Bella, sweetie….are you okay?"

I looked up to see the face of one of the few friends I'd made at the cosmetic counter. Angela was standing near the clock with her time card in her hand.

"I'm fine…really, I'm fine, but thank you for asking."

"You looked really different lately, like something is wrong. Are you sure you and the baby are alright?"

"Yeah, it's just that I'm getting used to being more tired than I was before being pregnant. Being on my feet all day is wearing me out more than it used to a few weeks ago."

"If it bothers you as much as I can see it is, you need to stop. It's a long time till six o'clock."

As I got up to punch in, her words went through my mind over and over. Something about that just resonated within me. My body felt like it weighed hundreds of pounds as I dragged myself over to the counter and threw my plastic bag into one of the drawers. Reluctantly, I sprayed some overpriced Miracle on the thick, black coat I wore over the all black pants and shirt. This job made me despise wearing black all day. It was a requirement along with the infamous two hundred and fifty dollar face. I'd worn it all everyday this summer, despite the stifling summer humidity. Now I was taking out my lipstick, appropriately named Maniac. I'd felt like I was turning into one with all of the anger and depression that was in my heart.

"Associates, please meet downstairs at the Chanel counter for our morning meeting!"

The sound of the store duty manager's voice was getting on my nerves. I hated our meetings, despised how the manager droned on about how we needed to sign more people up for Belk credit cards. Even with the lame ten percent shopping day pass, it never applied to cosmetics; customers never had any motivation to sign up for one in our department.

I think I hate my job.

Several other associates we walking over to the counter as I leaned on it, and they all gave me strange looks. Perhaps it had to do with the fact the fact that I was fighting back the urge to throw up. The smell of my favorite fragrance, Chance, was making me sick, and just as the meeting began, I ran up the escalator. The moment I was in the ladies room, I threw up, and the last thing I clearly remembered was the blood that was dripping down my chin…

Eventually, I felt a cool cloth on my forehead, and I saw Angela on the phone. Someone must have brought me to the break room. I was lying on the ratty couch, and my bag was beside me. One of the managers walked in and told me I was going home for the rest of the day. She'd found me passed out on the bathroom floor and they brought me up here. I had no memory of that of course.

"Your husband is on his way to come and get you," Angela said as she sat beside me. "I think you need to go see your doctor today, Bella. How many times have you passed out a work?"

"I've lost count, but I think I've done it at least four times. Edward should be here soon because we only live five or six minutes away from the mall."

"Loss prevention is waiting for him, and they'll escort him up here. All you need to do is rest."

I let out a deep sigh and waited for him to arrive. No sooner that I closed my eyes than the door swung open. The love of my life was here, ready to take me out of this hell hole. I didn't even give a damn about clocking out. He carried me out to the car, buckled me in, and we left to go home. It was the last time I would ever leave that store.

In less than ten minutes, we were home, and Edward undressed me. He tucked me into bed, handed the phone to me, and I called the doctor's office. The voice of the receptionist was bothersome, but she told me to come on in around noon. I had about an hour to rest.

Because he worked third shift for protective services, Edward was at home during the day. We always went to my appointments together. Technically, this was our third child; I'd lost our first two when I had miscarriages. Honestly, I was scared to death that we would lose this one. The chance that I would not carry this one to term was very high. Losing a third child would ruin me.

At my appointment, he held my hand and kissed my forehead lightly.

"You don't want to go back to work, do you Angel?" he asked.

"I'm…I'm so tired, so ready to stop. Every time I go in there, I feel sick…weak, and I'm really sad for some reason. I can't…explain it," I told him as tears started coming down my face. "I'm sorry, Edward. There's…no logical reason why I feel…like this."

He lovingly took my face in his hands. "Your hormones are everywhere, and please tell the doctor this. He can do something for you. I love you and our child too much for you to be in this much pain."

He kept his arm around my shoulder as the doctor came inside to examine me. He knew I was very reluctant to do it. This time was no different, and he shook his head at me.

"Can you please find a way to help my wife? This can't be good for her or the baby."

He took out a pad, scribbled some information on it, and handed Edward two pieces of paper.

"She needs to begin taking Prozac, at least twenty milligrams a day. Don't expect any real change for the next two weeks if she begins taking them today. Now there is a referral for Doctor Irina Denali. Someone from her office will set up an appointment for her. Irina is a therapist who specializes in abuse and trauma. I suspect that your wife has been a victim of it in her past due to how she reacts to me."

I was almost too consumed with crying to hear that Edward was trying to explain that I was nearly raped when I was sixteen. The memory of that was far too clear in my mind. I drew my knees up under my chin, closed my eyes, and heard his voice again.

"'You're going to like this, Bella…quit fighting me…I know you want this."

The sound of the door closing brought me back to the present, and I clung to him for several minutes. He always knew about the details of that time in my life; I never hid it from him. Edward also knew that my father had treated me like an emotional punching bag since the day I was born.

Damn alcoholic asshole.

"Angel, let me take you home and I'll get your medicine. We can spend the rest of the day snuggled in bed. I can make something for you to try and eat also…anything you want."

He helped me get dressed and we left to go home shortly afterward. I passed out on the couch once we were home. The phone in the kitchen rang, and he brought it over to me. Doctor Denali was on the other line, but her voice had a soothing quality. She wanted me to come in tomorrow. After I asked Edward if he could take me, we set the appointment at ten.

I got up off the couch to take the phone back to the kitchen, but I was frozen when I walked in there. Dishes, utensils, and pans littered the sink and counter. When I looked down at the floor, I could see the throw rugs were bunched up. My cook books were out of order. All of the order I strived for was gone. It was impossible to stay calm; I collapsed in a small heap on the floor.

"Bella…please, oh god, don't let this get the best of you. I was going to clean it when you were resting," he said while lifting me back up. "Please stay back here in bed. The kitchen will be clean soon."

He covered me up with a blanket, and I fell into a heavy slumber for many hours.

The following morning, I was sitting in a compact waiting room next to him. I had my bag nearby in case I needed to throw up in the plastic bags I kept in there. His hand felt cool in mine. The lingering heat of the summer was still here, and I was tired of it. A tall woman with short blonde hair came walking out into the room, greeted us, and ushered me into her office.

"How far along are you in your pregnancy?" she asked as I curled up into a corner of her plush couch.

"Two months on the…sixteenth. I've had a very hard one so far."

"I've been reading over the notes from your obstetrician, and it appears that you need some help. Tell me what's going on."

For the next few minutes, I described the incident at Belk while she wrote her notes. She looked up at me when I said that I was feeling deeply sad.

"Have you ever given any thought to the possibility that you might be depressed?"

"But I shouldn't be that way…I have a baby coming and it's not right for me to be this way?"

"I've had a number of women in this office who were pregnant and depressed. Knowing that you aren't the only one facing this battle might make a difference," she offered. "There is something in your medical history that says you were almost raped when you were sixteen. Can you tell me about that?"

I let out a deep breath.

"I was waiting for my boyfriend, James, to pick me up after school. He was nineteen, and I really don't know why I was interested in him. Looking back on it, I was desperate for love… for someone that would make me feel whole. But when he pulled up to the front lawn of the private school I attended, he got out of the car and stumbled over to me. He was drunk…I could smell beer on his breath."

I had to take a small break to catch my breath, to let out the tears before I could continue.

"James pushed me down, got on top of me, and told me to stop fighting him…that I would like it and to stop fighting him. He wanted to …rape me right there on the grass. I can still hear his voice in my head to this day. But my instincts kicked in, so I shoved him off onto the ground. He grabbed my arm and threw me into the car."

"And no one noticed any of this happening?" she asked as she lifted an eyebrow.

"No because none of the people at the school gave a damn about me," I said as I wiped at my face. "He drove away from the school around... seventy five miles an hour. James took me to his mom's place since he lived there and beat me up. I don't remember going home, but I never saw him again. He had a friend that stalked me for several months, and after I contacted the police, I never saw him again."

"You were one of the lucky ones, Bella," Irina said as she set down her pad. "I'm not sure if you realize this, but you're not just a survivor. In my eyes you're an overcomer. Does that make any sense now?"

"No, not really. I'm still…depressed? How can I be an overcomer if I feel like I'm drowning and constantly crying? There's so much I've been carrying with me. It's like I'm in this abyss and I have no idea how I'll find my way out."

"Some of this might be related to pregnancy hormones. Your levels are so out of whack right now, it's hard to tell if you're coming or going. It doesn't help that you can't keep anything down. I want you to go home, sleep, and when you feel up to it, journal everything you feel."

"But…but I have to take care of my home and…and," the tears began falling again. She handed over the box of Kleenex.

"Forget about the state of your home right now. What matters is you, and taking care of you. This period in your life might never happen again, so keep that in mind. I want to see you the same time next week unless if there is an emergency," she said as she filled out the appointment card.

We walked out to the waiting room, and Irina told Edward that I was going to be absolutely fine. I kept that though hidden in my heart as we went home.

Two weeks later

I'd finally begun to feel a noticeable shift in my mood, although I was still throwing up. He'd been so careful as he drove to my next session, but I whipped out the bags and proceeded to lose my breakfast. After spending several minutes gasping for air, he came to the side of the car, brushed my hair back, and handed me some of the peppermints he carried with him. It was one of the few scents I could handle. As I waited on the couch, he got some ginger ale for me to sip and then he wiped my face with a cool cloth.

"I love you, Angel…so very much. This is going to pass soon. Irina and I are so proud of the hard work you've been doing. I know the journaling is not easy, but I won't let this take you away from me."

I looked into his warm eyes, and a smile came over my face.

"You're so good to me, Edward, and I love you too. Supposedly, she says I'm an overcomer, but it's hard for me to see myself that way. Not when I know that we're talking about my dad today."

"Just remember that I'm right here waiting for you. I'll take you home and we can spend the rest of the day doing whatever you want," he said before kissing my forehead.

Irina popped into the room and I followed her back to the office. There was this comfort that room gave me. It was neat and organized, the very opposite of how my world was right now,

"Are you ready to tell me about your dad?" she asked while sitting across from me with her notepad and pencil ready. I nodded in response and she asked me when I realized he was an alcoholic.

"I was twelve at the time. My mom had gotten into an accident on the way to work, but no one was injured. She was the administrative assistant for our church, and, later on that night, the minister called to check on her. My older sister, Alice, answered the phone, and my dad snatched it from her. He yelled and cursed him out, but he wasn't done. Dad threw it across the room, grabbed my mom, and accused her of having an affair with the minister. I had to take up for my mom, so I…so I," I said before I lowered my head. Then I sat back up. "I screamed at him…he came charging at me. My own father grabbed my arms…threw me next to the wall…and yelled in my face. He said I…I was a worthless child."

My body was shaking from the emotional force of my memories. I'd never full let them out until this moment. Then another one that I'd buried came rushing out in full force. I could see all of the details, feel the anxiety and fear rushing through my body as if it were happening again.

"Dad told me I was a whore when Edward came to pick me up for class one morning. He gave me one kiss on my cheek and then Charlie Swan dragged me back to his bedroom to tell me that. I'd never felt so dirty, so cheap in all of my life."

"Was he also drunk at that time?"

"No, he quit drinking when I was almost seventeen."

We were both quiet for a few minutes while she was writing. I took some deep breaths, and tried to push away the nausea.

"It sounds to me, from what you've said, that your father is a rageaholic on top of being a recovered alcoholic. In other words, he gets a 'high' from his anger, much like a drunken person gets the same feeling from an alcoholic beverage. Now, you have some extra homework on top of your journaling," she stated while getting up to browse her bookshelf. "Take this book home because I have a feeling you'll find yourself on these pages."

She handed me a tattered copy of a book called Co-Dependent No More.

Later on that night, I began devouring that book. Over the period of the next few months, Irina diagnosed me with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, an adjustment disorder with depression, and codependency. We found out we were expecting a daughter in March, so we settled on the name Serena. Amazingly, Edward and I became closer during this time. He pampered me constantly, even to the point of painting my toe nails when I could no longer reach them. He stayed with me in the bathroom when I was sick, holding my hair back. On the days when I had some physical strength, we went for brief walks around the neighborhood. While he put together the crib, I sat in the rocking chair, and thought about how far I'd come since that day in September, when Angela told me it was a long time till six o'clock.

Early on the morning of March fifteenth, I woke up to feel some intense craps. Edward was beside me, rubbing my back and calling the doctor's office. They wanted me to come in at ten unless my water broke. As much as I tried to doze, the pain was getting stronger, so he began timing what I felt were contractions. They were lasting only ten seconds and they were about nine minutes apart. By the time we arrived at the office, my contractions were stronger and closer together. I was barely able to walk upright and Edward helped me get onto the exam table. They assured us our child was coming today after one of the nurses read over the chart generated by the monitor. Things happened fast…Edward floored it to the hospital…my water broke in the emergency room…I was hooked up to an IV…then I fell into a hard sleep for several hours. The nurses woke me up to have me to push, and Serena was born that night at ten-thirty one.

Two months later

"You look better than I've ever seen you and that is one of the prettiest babies I've seen in a long time. Congratulations and call me if you need help in the future," Irina said as we walked out of her office. I'd assured her that I felt better than I had in years. Through her help and the steady love of my husband, I was finally able to put the abuse and hurt in the past. We took Serena over to spend the night with Edward's parents so we could have time to ourselves. He'd reserved a room for the weekend, and I was overjoyed to be alone with him. Once we dropped her off, we went on to the hotel.

"Are you excited about this, Bella? I know you miss her, but we need to be together. By the way, I've never seen you look this beautiful."

"We're giving your parents the opportunity to spend time with their granddaughter. She won't always be this small, and they adore her. The added benefit is that you and I can be alone for a nice period of time."

He kissed my hand as we pulled into the parking lot, and we shared sweet glances as we checked in. Once we were at the room, I told him to give me a few minutes as I went into the bathroom. Amazingly, my body was almost back to the same shape I had before pregnancy. After I slid on the satin slip, I took a few minutes to look at myself in the mirror. When I saw my reflection, I was no longer the awkward, scared twelve year old who was afraid of her drunken daddy. No longer was I the sixteen year old girl who was nearly raped and beaten by an insensitive and abusive boyfriend. Nor was I the whore my dad accused me of being at age nineteen.

I realized that I was the overcomer!

I could finally put the many, many years of neglect behind me.

My life could move forward.

As I walked out of the bathroom, I found Edward waiting for me on the bed. He'd lit several candles to set the mood, and he rushed over to draw me into his arms. I melted into his embrace as he captured my lips with his own. His tongue massaged over mine repeatedly, and he carried me over to the bed.

"You're so fucking beautiful, my Angel… I'm still falling hard for you, so damn hard," he said after his mouth moved to my neck. "All I want to do is worship every succulent inch of your body."

"Mmmmmm, I want you to take me and show me love," I said when our eyes met. He removed my slip and discarded his boxers in a matter of seconds. With every kiss and caress we shared, I became more wet and more in need of him. I came on his fingers while he sucked on my aching nipples. He let out a deep moan as I grabbed at his thick cock before he spread my legs apart to slide into my pussy. We began moving at a slow speed as he held my hand in his next to the pillow.

"Tell me you can feel the passion…I have for you," he whispered into my ear.

"Yes, god yes…love you so very much," I whispered back as he starred moving faster.

He plunged in deeper, bringing us more pleasure, and our gaze we fixed on each other. This was not just lovemaking. He'd found me again, loved me to wholeness, and brought me back to life. We were affirming our passion and reconnecting our souls thorough this intimate act. When we gave ourselves over to our orgasms, it was more than just a physical release. Edward and I were giving each other a part of our very existence that only we shared. This was the culmination of my healing. Breathlessly, he pulled me over onto his heaving chest, and he cradled me gently.

"My sweetest Angel," he said while looking down into my eyes. "I can see how much stronger you are now. You know you never were alone, not for one second."

I ran my fingers over his face as I smiled at him.

"I became the woman I am now in part to you, and knowing that you were there made the fight less taxing. I love you more than words could express."

"As I love you with all of my heart," he said before we began kissing deeply. We made love well into the night along with celebrating just how far we'd come as a couple.

**Thank you all for reading.**


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